Sometimes I kinda forget who I am. I enjoy all of my adjectives, but they can also be constraining as well. I forget that perhaps who I am can be a bit jarring to those in the community who are new to this country. I forget that I am tattooed, and usually one can never see my tattoos as I purposefully have them placed so that they will not show in work attire. As such going out dancing attired, well they are almost always visible. Go ahead and add those to the list of things that makes me not belong anywhere. My struggle for identity will just continue. It is so difficult for me to form this identity as I truly love Islam and the Quran and have been given such amazing things. In my heart I am Muslim, and I try my best to react to the world around me in an Islamic way. The struggle is of course EVERYTHING ELSE. The expectations of others, and well the expectations of myself as well. I am constantly battling non-Muslims placing upon me Arab culture, and Muslims themselves often do the same. Some group or person does something that is dickish or just plain wrong... Well somehow this is my responsibility. I have to answer just because I am a Muslim (usually their behaviour is very not truly Islamic). It gets tiresome and old. I respond as I always do but not reacting, and if it is something I can constructively educate upon then I do as such. I already struggle as it is trying to incorporate Islam into my being and practice, which I am pretty sure will label me some sort of heretic. Hey I grew up Unitarian Universalist, so I am old hat at being considered a heretic. I am sure I am not the first person to love Islam but dislike Muslims. The same can be said I think for all the major religions, those who are the most visible are often the least best examples of the actual religion. No matter where I am, I will always be the freak.
I wanted to actually write this post about the fun and exciting world of dating/marriage/sex/family but well I have run out of steam for such a doozy of a topic. Inshallah my thoughts on that soon, and like everything else it is a crazy hot mess to try and figure out.
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