Sometimes I kinda forget who I am. I enjoy all of my adjectives, but they can also be constraining as well. I forget that perhaps who I am can be a bit jarring to those in the community who are new to this country. I forget that I am tattooed, and usually one can never see my tattoos as I purposefully have them placed so that they will not show in work attire. As such going out dancing attired, well they are almost always visible. Go ahead and add those to the list of things that makes me not belong anywhere. My struggle for identity will just continue. It is so difficult for me to form this identity as I truly love Islam and the Quran and have been given such amazing things. In my heart I am Muslim, and I try my best to react to the world around me in an Islamic way. The struggle is of course EVERYTHING ELSE. The expectations of others, and well the expectations of myself as well. I am constantly battling non-Muslims placing upon me Arab culture, and Muslims themselves often do the same. Some group or person does something that is dickish or just plain wrong... Well somehow this is my responsibility. I have to answer just because I am a Muslim (usually their behaviour is very not truly Islamic). It gets tiresome and old. I respond as I always do but not reacting, and if it is something I can constructively educate upon then I do as such. I already struggle as it is trying to incorporate Islam into my being and practice, which I am pretty sure will label me some sort of heretic. Hey I grew up Unitarian Universalist, so I am old hat at being considered a heretic. I am sure I am not the first person to love Islam but dislike Muslims. The same can be said I think for all the major religions, those who are the most visible are often the least best examples of the actual religion. No matter where I am, I will always be the freak.
I wanted to actually write this post about the fun and exciting world of dating/marriage/sex/family but well I have run out of steam for such a doozy of a topic. Inshallah my thoughts on that soon, and like everything else it is a crazy hot mess to try and figure out.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Sunday, September 2, 2012
It is all about nail polish
Hi, my name is Amy and I am a white, educated, professional American Muslim. I have had several others tell me it might be cathartic for me to write a blog about my experiences as a new Muslim navigating the world of Islam and the West. So I think I will do just that. I am certain that my thoughts will earn me a heretic title amongst some, but hey I guess I have always been a bit of an odd duck. Last December I took shahada and since then things have certainly been interesting. Americans don't get it, and born Muslims often feel the need to chastise me for my American ways. Sorry guys, it isn't up to you to lead me to the straight path... I may go back and recount some of my more less than thrilling encounters with fellow Muslims, but for now I am just going to blather what is on my mind currently. My current quest is NAIL POLISH.
I had been scared to wear nail polish since I converted as I heard less than pleasant reactions of other sisters to nail polish. Sisters have told me that nail polish invalidates wudu. My first experiences with other sisters have been in the masjid closest to wear I live. I have attended a class for people new to Islam or interested in learning about Islam for the past year. It was in this class I declared shahada. The people in this class are very open and friendly and kind, and I have enjoyed spending my Sundays with them. This said, I still was not really able to find others I could really relate to. I am in my mid thirties and single, and if you know anything about Muslims, then you know that someone my age should be married with kids already. I am also an educated professional woman, and yes there are educated professional women in the class. They are all of course born Muslim women. The convert sisters however, though somewhat close to my age are not really close to my lifestyle. Here we enter the wife and kids factor, and often the kool aid factor. Many times I find these sisters are... um... not that educated and well.... they drank the kool aid (as in they went extreme in their vision of how to be a Muslim). Those who have not gone out to batshit crazy land tend to be on the marriage and kids quest. Well perhaps the marriage and kids quest applies to both groups. So here I am, ZERO desire to get married and have kids... and I like to learn things and stuff. I know I keep bringing up the educated bit, but I swear I have never heard so much nutty superstitious stuff in my life, and I am frequently told that to be a good Muslim I need to not ask questions or think, and to just do and obey. Um, it was the asking questions and thinking that brought me into Islam in the first place. Why on earth would I ever give that up?
Back to the point which is nail polish. I have been trying to find other brothers and sisters that THINK for themselves and are not so hung up on blind adherence to rules that are not even in the Quran. Rules like nail polish invalidates wudu. First off I have a real problem with the whole invalidate thing. If you pray while wearing nail polish your prayers are invalid because your wudu is invalid. The first time I was told that my prayers might not be accepted because my scarf was not long enough I was floored. I cannot even conceive of a prayer not being accepted. Ever. It felt like a punch to the face when I was told that. It just makes no sense to me whatsoever. I still refuse to accept that a prayer can be invalid. Well maybe your prayer is invalid if you are praying while murdering someone or some other nasty terrible thing, but nobody has mentioned that to me yet. So according to some unknown force it has been decreed that nail polish can invalidate wudu because it keeps water from touching your nails. I kinda think that is total crap as I can still clean my nails even if I have on polish. Oh, the nails thing... apparently the same unknown force also says your nails must be a super short length, again not something I have yet to read in the Quran. Nails clean and trim, I have no problem with that at all. Nail polish negating all of your worship to God.... yeah not really buying into that one. To be fair I am the least girly girl I know of, and I rarely have my nails painted. A sister who attends a class I have started to attend told me of an experience she had in a masjid in regards to nail polish. Her toenails were painted, and another sister standing next to her in a prayer line pointed out the obvious fact her toes were painted. She then informed her that her prayers are invalid and gave her the stink eye. She stated this several more times, and then motioned to others close by that they should not be praying next to such an invalid woman. She then left to pray in a different line rather than pray next to such an unclean woman. Since I was told of this incident I have decided to always have on nail polish, I guess as a sort of defiance to those who are so caught up in arbitrary rules they are missing the entire point of Islam. The sister with the forbidden toes whispered to me after telling me about her incident that her prayers get answered by Allah all the time. Guess what, since I have started wearing nail polish.... My prayers have still been answered too.
I had been scared to wear nail polish since I converted as I heard less than pleasant reactions of other sisters to nail polish. Sisters have told me that nail polish invalidates wudu. My first experiences with other sisters have been in the masjid closest to wear I live. I have attended a class for people new to Islam or interested in learning about Islam for the past year. It was in this class I declared shahada. The people in this class are very open and friendly and kind, and I have enjoyed spending my Sundays with them. This said, I still was not really able to find others I could really relate to. I am in my mid thirties and single, and if you know anything about Muslims, then you know that someone my age should be married with kids already. I am also an educated professional woman, and yes there are educated professional women in the class. They are all of course born Muslim women. The convert sisters however, though somewhat close to my age are not really close to my lifestyle. Here we enter the wife and kids factor, and often the kool aid factor. Many times I find these sisters are... um... not that educated and well.... they drank the kool aid (as in they went extreme in their vision of how to be a Muslim). Those who have not gone out to batshit crazy land tend to be on the marriage and kids quest. Well perhaps the marriage and kids quest applies to both groups. So here I am, ZERO desire to get married and have kids... and I like to learn things and stuff. I know I keep bringing up the educated bit, but I swear I have never heard so much nutty superstitious stuff in my life, and I am frequently told that to be a good Muslim I need to not ask questions or think, and to just do and obey. Um, it was the asking questions and thinking that brought me into Islam in the first place. Why on earth would I ever give that up?
Back to the point which is nail polish. I have been trying to find other brothers and sisters that THINK for themselves and are not so hung up on blind adherence to rules that are not even in the Quran. Rules like nail polish invalidates wudu. First off I have a real problem with the whole invalidate thing. If you pray while wearing nail polish your prayers are invalid because your wudu is invalid. The first time I was told that my prayers might not be accepted because my scarf was not long enough I was floored. I cannot even conceive of a prayer not being accepted. Ever. It felt like a punch to the face when I was told that. It just makes no sense to me whatsoever. I still refuse to accept that a prayer can be invalid. Well maybe your prayer is invalid if you are praying while murdering someone or some other nasty terrible thing, but nobody has mentioned that to me yet. So according to some unknown force it has been decreed that nail polish can invalidate wudu because it keeps water from touching your nails. I kinda think that is total crap as I can still clean my nails even if I have on polish. Oh, the nails thing... apparently the same unknown force also says your nails must be a super short length, again not something I have yet to read in the Quran. Nails clean and trim, I have no problem with that at all. Nail polish negating all of your worship to God.... yeah not really buying into that one. To be fair I am the least girly girl I know of, and I rarely have my nails painted. A sister who attends a class I have started to attend told me of an experience she had in a masjid in regards to nail polish. Her toenails were painted, and another sister standing next to her in a prayer line pointed out the obvious fact her toes were painted. She then informed her that her prayers are invalid and gave her the stink eye. She stated this several more times, and then motioned to others close by that they should not be praying next to such an invalid woman. She then left to pray in a different line rather than pray next to such an unclean woman. Since I was told of this incident I have decided to always have on nail polish, I guess as a sort of defiance to those who are so caught up in arbitrary rules they are missing the entire point of Islam. The sister with the forbidden toes whispered to me after telling me about her incident that her prayers get answered by Allah all the time. Guess what, since I have started wearing nail polish.... My prayers have still been answered too.
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